Ten Commandments of School Shopping for Parents

The end of July beckons the loss of Summer.  The loss of loose deadlines, no specific meal times, no times to be "here" and "there".  Time just kind of slides by in the form of T.V. shows and pool hops.  I find myself saying "I have no idea what time it really is." Translation: "No one placed demands on me to be somewhere." Ahhh....  I feel the tug coming, though.  The kids had some of their first soccer practices. One started at, sit down, 9:00 A.M. Oh the gall of that coach to get my 9 year old daughter out of bed before 8:30! Doesn't he know it is still July? The nerve.

Procuring goods associated with the start of school is bittersweet.  Shopping for clothes has mostly been simple due to uniforms.  My oldest two are in high school, and boys, hence, clueless shopping.  

"Do you like this?" I say. "Or this?"

"I don't know. It's O.K. I guess,"they say.

Again, translation = "I don't care. I would rather be placing planks of bamboo under my toenails than shopping. How many different colors of pants do they have in the world anyway?"

Their sense of teenage hood identity starts to rule. Will they be a sporto, prep or rocker?  Does a collared shirt spell N-E-R-D?  How much effort do they have to put into a look that says "I don't really care THAT much about my appearance."  I had no idea that this complacency takes indeed a mammoth effort.  There is a lot of energy expelled to exhibit this apathy.  Mostly it involves a great deal of searching and little finding.  I begin to understand a little about Moses' plight in the desert.  At least he got a message on a few stone tablets clearly given in a rational order.

The Ten Commandments of School Shopping for Parents go something like this:

1. Thou shalt not say anything is "Cute" or "Nice".

-Words as such denote a childish look.

2. Thou shalt not insist on viewing all purchased items on the actual child.

- This action implies distrust of "style" knowledge which we all agree parents do not have.

3.  Thou shall give full disclosure of expectations of monetary limits.

- Fainting can't occur in department stores; they don't have smelling salts available.

4.  Thou shall not covet thy friends clothes from the same store.

- Pure heresy.

5.  Thou shall not try on clothes from the same store at the same time as child.

-  Vicarious living through children is strongly discouraged.

6.  Thou shall not give metaphorical  judgements like, "You look like a _______ (fill in)."

- The decision to look like an idiot has to be purely theirs.

7.  Thou shall schedule shopping excursions after 12:00 P.M. and at times inconvenient to parents.

- The phrase "Strike while the iron is hot" comes into play here.

8.  Do not assume knowledge of needed school supplies until AFTER school starts. 

- Anything you purchase will surely be wrong in the eyes of power hungry teachers.

9. Thou shall plan on exceeding previously disclosed budget by at least 10%.  

- The obvious pressure to get something outside the limits is taken into account.

10.  Thou shall not judge the relationship between parent and teenager based on any of the experiences and dialogues carried on throughout the shopping experience.

- Families would be destroyed and anger management courses would be full around the country.

With one child done and three to go, I am attempting to achieve the impossible.  The impossibility the everyone will be satisfied at the same time on all levels.  Dreaming impossible dreams is where we find hope. Hopefully, this will be over soon.