Common Denominators Among Heroes

Within 24 hours, I spoke with two women with whom I share a common denominator. Two totally different topics when shared elicited the same feelings.  People simply want to always talk about their pain to a lending ear. 

     My first conversation took place at a sporting event of all places.  We shared a common denominator: being physician’s spouses.  Her experience was not dissimilar to mine in that we both realized the pluses and minuses of this type of relationship.  Her marriage ended in divorce. Mine has not. 

     We spoke of a communication skill that some doctors either acquire, to maintain good relationships or don’t. “It’s like a switch,” she said.  This is a switch or shift in thinking that they either learn to access or not.  With the switch on, they bark orders and can’t have things fast enough. In the off position, they can actually look around and realize others’ feelings. We want them to use all their intellect when we are a patient under their medical care.  Conversely, we want them to use all their caring and commitment as a spouse. When the two get cross-wired, it is hard for both parties to recognize the difference.

     Our conversation was fueled by a common knowledge base.  I felt like we could sit closer to each other and any revelations would stay between just the two of us.  A little like war buddies we became. I observed the carnage; she unfortunately suffered some large wounds.  The difference between us grew smaller with every commonality we discovered.  It saddens me deeply that such a caring profession potentially produces such tragic effects on families. 

     My next encounter was with a mom at a kid’s birthday party.  How we got on the subject of Migraine I don’t know.  The same feeling came over me. Obviously, she had felt my pain and I hers. I understood exactly her fears and her triumphs.  We both had recommendations for each other, but mostly sympathy.  Our husbands even swapped stories.  How pitiful were we?

     Misery loves company, but I really don’t want to stay miserable.  I want to be in the company of people who have succeeded to conquer these dissimilar foes.  It is inspiring to get the perspective of people who have climbed the mountains of life, stood on top and come to the bottom of the other side stronger and wiser.

     I love mentors for this reason.  It warms my heart to here a wife and husband who have been together for 50 plus years, through all kinds of trials and trouble.  They can show me the goal I aspire to achieve.  It doesn’t seem impossible when I see the evidence of its existence.  Hope becomes mine once more.

     Any medical condition that hinders one’s life and function makes for a very determined or defeated person.  I try to be compassionate to those who aren’t faring so well.  To find a conqueror of cancer, mental illness, and addiction or, yes, even Migraine, allows me to be reassured.

 Like St. Thomas, I feel better with proof.  Is it essential for my faith and happiness? No, it just eases the burden I place on myself to find answers to life’s most perplexing challenges.  If one person gets trampled there are just as many if not more that hopped the hurdle without falling down.  That kind of strength and perseverance is so rare.

When I witness triumph and success, I have noticed that those who are the most humble and quiet about the achievements they have acquired are by and large the most content with themselves.  They have a certain knowing mind about them, which resonates through all of their life.  The couple that has been married through 60 years of war and peace hold each other’s hand like it truly has been their lifeline for them.  The woman who was a single mom trying to support a family while plagued by an illness, yet still managed to raise decent human beings.  These are heroes to me, now.

Heroes, by their very nature, don't want to be chosen.  They just ARE.  They choose to exceed all obstacles with little knowledge of what lies ahead.  Their hearts are always steady, even when scared.  We all have it in us to be our own hero.  After all, whose day wouldn't we all like to save but our own?